Monday, July 16, 2012

After the Storm {in our corner of the world}


Sharing a piece of my heart here, so please feel free to wait for the next 
post sure to be about something boys, crafts, silliness, or silly boys making crafts {smile}.

I am liking being here again.  
Hearing from you.  Thank you.  

Truth is the little blogging break I took had a lot to do 
with the after storm of Liam's heart diagnosis.
I did not recognize it being that at first.

When these big things come screaming out of the sky 
I just cannot see life the same as the day before.
It's different.
It has forever changed and there is a new normal to adapt to.

Everything else keeps moving, keeps doing, keeps going unaffected.

I have a hard time thinking of blogging about a new pillow I have just made
or wanting to continue on with things I have started.
In that time and space it just seems trivial and silly.
And really I am not making any pillows 
or doing much else than putting one foot in front of the other anyhow.  

Thing is sometimes I don't want to leave that space,
not because I enjoy being morbid or sad.
Really it has more to do with the fact that in those
moments you see life in its purest, raw form.

Removing the extraneous, stripping things down to the essentials,
it's not freeing, but it is eye opening.
Living in a space where all of it matters.

If you have been with me a bit here you've known 
we have been in that place before.  
And it is in that space you survive and cling to one another
and let the storm swell around you and feel the God-given calm and clarity.  


Sometimes you don't even recognize it,
the beautiful part of the awfulness until it's behind you.  

Once I get beyond that I then just want to absorb myself 
completely and utterly in my boys, Matt, our life.
The six who live inside my heart. 

I simply just don't care about anything else.
I don't mean that literally, just that I cannot even think beyond it.  
I am also easily irritated by all of the trivial in this world,
and no I am not above it, just able to see it for what it is in that moment.

And then while sitting at the poignantly beautiful luminaria ceremony during Relay for Life, Coldplay's words echoing, my heart is full of joy and gratitude for my son who has survived six years now.  Yet the tears flow freely for the little one on my lap, my sweet Liam, because
 I want to fix him and I can't.  



Music plays a huge role for me in moving on and getting it out. 
I hear Mercy Me's Hurt and the Healer for the first time, and I lose it again.  


And I feel the Lord there with me.  
My hurt has most definitely collided with The Healer.


I still needed more time, and truly am just finding my footing to blog again.
I am torn between how amazing I know I could make Our Wonder*filled Life.  It is hard for me not to go the 110%, but then I think of the sacrifice and I am just not ready to go there. For now, it will be what it is and I still think it's a beautiful thing.

My sugarbaby Liam is peacefully sleeping after a before bed swim 
at Tia Irene and Tio Greg's home.  

The boys had a beautiful night, we did too.
They were looking for all of the stars in the sky, pure magic.

Sweet dreams friends,
:: michelle ::








2 comments:

  1. michelle- i dont really know what to say other than hold on to the Lord. His plan is perfect even when incomprehensible.

    ReplyDelete
  2. God works in mysterious yet great ways, that is what i keep telling myself each day and i know it is true for you guys too.

    liam, especially, will be kept in my prayers!

    mercyme is one of my favorite bands :)

    ReplyDelete

I so appreciate your sweet thoughts and thank you for sharing. I always try to reply whether it be to your email or on one of your blog posts! Wishing you a wonder*filled day! Michelle

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