Sunday, February 26, 2012

It's Raining, It's Pouring...

It has been a tough start to the year.
I am about to start the bring back 2011 campaign {smile}.
We had 4 months of not stepping a foot in a doctor's office,
only to now be regulars again.

My boys have RSV.
We took so many precautions and avoided it for nearly two and a half years.
The big bad wolf finally chased us down.
I wish I could have done more to prevent it, yet I know I did everything possible.
Ethan picked it up from school and we didn't stand a chance.

Last night Matt and I slept with Liam and Aiden on us,
they asked to sleep in mommy's crib {grin}
 waking every half hour,
checking their breathing, foreheads, offering their drinks, hearing Liam
panting and wheezing and cringing with each horrible cough.
Griffin and Beckham were doing better and wanted their beds.

I am wiped after days of it and so is Matt.
We are getting sick ourselves.

We are in survival mode.

Liam is flirting with hospital admission.
His fever after FIVE days will not break.
I spent about six hours at the doctor's office yesterday.
To find that now all of my boys have double ear infections
and the virus is settling despite every four hour nebulizer treatments.

Imagine five neb treatments every four hours to not feel like it's accomplishing much.
{sigh.}

Last night I sat and stared at our living room wall and felt defeated and helpless.
I could not make my boys better, that's always a tough one.  
I don't like to feel defeated.  I also felt guilty because I know in my heart
this will end, life will get back to normal, and we will be ok.
This time though I had to let myself feel it to get past it.  

Do you ever feel like that?
It just keeps coming back until you deal with it?

The other things in life nagging at me just one thing after another...
the tire light coming on again because I haven't had time to deal with getting the new tires my car desperately needs...Matt's car not starting after picking up the prescriptions trying to get home...finding two holes in Beck's mattress {that little monkey is tough on stuff!}....the washing machine giving out...the dryer giving in...every time we turned around something, yet we could not give that something a lick of attention.  

I just looked up for real?  Are you kidding me?
I know these things aren't important but we have to function Lord.
I felt back in the storm again.  


Yet I felt strong and hopeful.  
We were still standing, we have always been still standing.


I was sad that now every cold they get from now on will be amplified.
RSV damages lungs, especially preemie lungs like four of my boys have.
Despite being born at 33 weeks and surpassing all milestones,
on the inside my boys still have traces of their preemie-hood.

Ethan has asthma, it's tough on him too.  

Yet, I thought I want to be good with what is right here and now,
so when we are running around having fun, 
we LIVE it and remember this time.

The tough makes the good sweeter.  


I had to remind myself that it wasn't all mine or Matt's.
That we do NOT have enough strength.  
How I know this etched on my soul, yet how easily I forget
and think just keep working harder and you can fix it.  

I sat there staring at that wall, 
two boys sleeping on me,
and let myself BE STILL.
Let it all swirl around me.
We don't have to try to make it out alone.  


Today it's more of the same, yet I am not the same.

Until soon friends and thank you for the prayers {again},

{Michelle}


7 comments:

  1. Oh my goodness! Just added you + yours back to my prayer list.

    ReplyDelete
  2. you guys are on my prayer list!! how your baby boys get better asap! i know all too well the nebulizer routine, especially when sick and you are a preemie and have asthma already (that is the story of my life for years and years).

    great inspirational quotes and verses...always good to be reminded that "this too shall pass"

    enjoy the sunshine today at least... :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. You guys are in my thoughts hope things are getting better for you over there, and your boys are feeling better

    ReplyDelete
  4. Praying for you... Hang in there - I am hugging you in my heart!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I wish I were near! I could at least run by and grab your laundry at the very least! My little people had horrible ear infections 2 weeks ago, I felt so helpless. I cannot even imagine all the other complications. Prayers and hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Praying for you, sweet girl...;) I'll be in Geneva today...please please please let me know if I can do ANYTHING at all for you...milk, Rxs, a box of wine (ha)...anything...

    ReplyDelete
  7. What a beautiful, sweet and sad post. Praying for your family!

    ReplyDelete

I so appreciate your sweet thoughts and thank you for sharing. I always try to reply whether it be to your email or on one of your blog posts! Wishing you a wonder*filled day! Michelle

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...