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Monday, October 24, 2011

mother*wonder Monday {five} - What I Want for My Children


Often when we refer to what we want for our children, it takes some form of reference to how we grew up and knowing how we want to change things.  I think that it can be healthy in doses to know how we want to do things differently, as long as we are honest, open, and realistic about why we want them to be different.  Not to right wrongs for ourselves, but because we learn from the mistakes made.  The passion has to come from wanting the next generation and hopefully the following and so on to have their paths shifted by what we know we can do different that will help those who come after us reach their fullest potential and the plan God has for their lives.

My childhood was not all rainbows and lollipops.
My parents divorced when I was little.
I was often chided for my dreams instead of encouraged.
Confidence lacked majorly for a variety of reasons and while I believed in my abilities,
I had a very low opinion of myself that I grapple with even now.
Criticism cut deep.
Accomplishing anything meant doing it myself even if it meant putting me in a position that would be extremely difficult to overcome.

Yes, through this I have an extremely strong work-ethic, and have learned to be very independent, yet I always seemed to be in a vulnerable position.  I also never really took a break or learned how to just be.  I suppose that has something to do with why I am so passionate about it now.

Simply put, I have always held onto the fact that I can change it, I can make it different.  Through His guidance I can be the parent I want my children to have.  I do not have to carry on the patterns or pain.

I am not naive to think my children's memory will be perfect and every effort I make will be monumental...hardly.  I know my boys will remember things in a way completely different from my recollection, maybe in a light that is not so flattering.   I hope all the good will outweigh the few bad moments.

However, I want to be able to provide my children with a good, healthy, solid foundation on which to anchor their dreams.  It's going to take a lot of prayer and hope to alter our financial path, mountains will have to be moved, but I will not give up.  We will not.

I think what has always stayed with me most is the being okay with children going through major struggles and challenges where parents could have intervened and did not for self-serving reasons.  I am not sure of the thought process, but what I am sure of is I know both my husband and I want better for our children, we want to have gone through those things so they don't have to.

I do think it is important to build character, and work for things, don't get me wrong.  I just think there are ways to go about it that encourage, praise, and uplift.  Yes, my boys will have heartache and pain, but I want to be there every single step of the way.  Yes, there may be times when only they can do it, when they have to learn the lesson, but I will be their biggest fan, cheering them on from the sidelines.  When they want to push me away, I will respect their space but I will ALWAYS be right there.

I am putting it in writing here and now {smile}.

Nothing will ever be more important than being their mom.

My parenting will not end when they are 16. 21, or 35.  For as long as I am here, God-willing.

I will not ever love them for what they can do for me.

I will always give them everything I can to help them be
who they were created to be in every way.

Boys, by the way, your Dad feels exactly as I do.
Remember, we can do all things through Him, together.

1 comment:

I so appreciate your sweet thoughts and thank you for sharing. I always try to reply whether it be to your email or on one of your blog posts! Wishing you a wonder*filled day! Michelle

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