Monday, September 19, 2011

mother*wonder Monday {one} - Sensitive Boys

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Welcome to mother*wonder Monday!!
Visit here to read more about this new feature.

This week's topic...sensitivity in boys.
I am going to start with a little history of
sensitivity from my perspective.

{What it's Like to "Be Sensitive"}

In nearly thirty-five years of life, I think within the past five I have really come
to terms with my sensitivity as a person.

To stop viewing it as a curse, to try to see its blessings. 
To realize that I am simply more aware.
{the term I prefer}
I do believe it has helped me as a mom.

Sensitivity can breed empathy, that this world could definitely use more of.

{Recognizing Sensitivity}

Ever since my oldest was an infant, I knew he was aware too.
Unlike me he always loved being the center of attention.  
While I knew life would be more difficult for him being sensitive
I always held onto his fun-loving spirit getting him through.
Along with us building his confidence and always providing unconditional love.

Then school began.

E rarely cries about things at home, and rarely cries away from home.
but
If he feels like he can't do something he should be able to {tying shoes fast enough},
or feels different from his peers {forgot something for school at home},
or feels like something is not just {how could a friend take that from me?} he gets upset.

It's like I always say, I cry when I am angry, hurt, worried, upset, even happy, not when I am sad.

He is not afraid to be away from me, not shy or scared, just super innocent.
His heart is so pure.

There are many traits of sensitivity, his are maybe a little less common,
or overtaken by his zealous personality.

I thank God for this all the time. I also think a lot has to do with parenting.

{Parenting Sensitive Boys}


I am by no means the expert on this at all, just some thoughts to share.

I know I have more than one sensitive boy. The NICU developmental psychologist asked us
if there were passionate people in our family. We of coursed asked the obvious, why?
 He could tell by my boys' stats...heart rates, breathing, sleeping patterns that they were sensitive.
Besides thinking he was a genius, my husband gently looked at me, my wife is super passionate.  

What do we do with this knowledge?  

I think we first need to know what kind of sensitive...In our older son's case, he is insanely outgoing,
ready to try anything, but sensitive,not the usual combination as I mentioned.

While this is great, sometimes it can take people off guard.
He cried at ____, He was upset by ____ things they may not perceive as a big deal.

Perception holds great weight with the sensitive. Often it will be said,
you misunderstood what I said, you took it the wrong way, you, you, you.

I would say there is just no reason to point the finger. I know children who are sensitive would never
think to say that back to someone. They wouldn't place blame. When it is said to them in that manner,
well it can breed the feeling that they are doing something wrong.

These can also be viewed by the sensitive as uncaring...I wish you'd stop worrying.
It's not that big a deal. I don't know why you're crying about it. 

This one especially for boys..Toughen up, boys don't cry at that. {breaks my heart}

Even though I am cut from the same cloth, I can get frustrated myself
{oh the irony!}so I try to remember...

Sensitivity is not something that can be turned off. Being aware is what makes my kids notice all the amazing things about childhood. Sensitive children are extremely empathetic, such an incredible quality. Confidence is such a great balance to sensitivity.

I think it's also so important to avoid the kids are so resilient sentiments when it comes to sensitivity.

Yes, kids are resilient, but kids who are aware of their surroundings and who drink them in
and are affected by them, need to also be nurtured with familiarity, and acknowledged for
being much brighter than we sometimes give them credit for. {my humble opinion}.

While I am learning as I go too, the best thing is just to talk and listen.

As I mentioned, I am aware, sensitive, whatever you want to call it,
but it does not affect my life in any regard like it did before.

Some of it is learning to not give anyone else control over your life {except for God above}.
Some is life experience, the things I have seen, well the rest just doesn't seem as big of a deal anymore.
All of it is time and prayer.

So, when I want to be frustrated, I have to pause and remember,
wonder
this is who God made them to be, there is a reason.

Thinking of who my little men will turn into, men who care, men who feel, men who understand,
that's what my heart wants most for them. They will do amazing things in this world!

{my sensitive bunch}


Here are some great resources, some I have read, some on my list to read.

Raising Your Spirited Child

Taking time for mother*wonder,

{michelle}


2 comments:

  1. Great post, your oldest sounds very similar to my oldest

    ReplyDelete
  2. i have really enjoyed reading your blog! this one i really like. my hubby is this way and he has really helped me to stop, take the time to listen to, and be attentive to other's needs (whether they be vocalized or just read by body language). we are looking forward to welcoming a son in december so this was a great reminder of how to embrace those who are more "aware" as you put it (love that!), especially as they grow up and form thoughts about who they are and how the world works. thank you for this post!!

    ReplyDelete

I so appreciate your sweet thoughts and thank you for sharing. I always try to reply whether it be to your email or on one of your blog posts! Wishing you a wonder*filled day! Michelle

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