Saturday, July 27, 2013

When all else fails....blog.



Why hello friends, it has been some time. 
I think I could write for days and not be able to
do justice to the life lived since I last wrote in this precious space.

Not that our life is SO interesting, we are just doing a lot of growing around here!

The little crew coming up on FOUR! 
The oldest turned EIGHT!
BIG STUFF.  BIG PLANS.

I hope to share soon some of what we've been up to this summer.
It does not include a summer-to-do or bucket list,
we opted to be completely wild and free. 

Six of us were born in summer months {yes September is summer technically}
 so the season runs in our veins, 
this by far our most favorite and treasured time.
In the meantime you can see all is well from our instagram feed.

Well yes, it is nearly 4am and I am writing, what what??!
In as much as I could not catch you up on the past year adequately here,
I also could not do this day justice.
Let me say it included {and in some cases still includes}
no gas, no electricity, our house alarm going off when said electricity came back on for two.minutes.straight at 3am,
a husband working 24 of the past 30 hours, oh just a regular day.

It is good though to feel like I want to write again.
These past few months have been tough, I should clarify not because of my kids
{and good, always good}.
I will leave it at that.
In addition I lost my outlet here, my passion for sharing us,
and I am figuring out something I am more comfortable with, 
which means you will be hearing more from me {grin}.

And yes the new project is still coming along in our very little spare time.

Lately though I feel inspired and discouraged both.
I know strange.
I want to change it or at least talk about it.

In working on myself, aside from trying to have a better
self-dialogue throughout the day, phew I can be critical;
I am also trying to sort out what I am responsible for and what I am not.

It is no secret I try to give control to God, yet I usually sabotage myself.
Shame has had so much to do with it,
and I am working so hard at it because I do not want to pass this on to my boys.

I see it every.single.day.
People trying to distance themselves from others because they don't want to
catch the "bad" happening in someone else's life.

Christians who wouldn't recognize Jesus if he walked into church.

The workhorses trying to work harder and harder because that is how you get ahead,
and those who have financial issues, health issues, {insert issue here} just don't do enough.
They just don't.
How hard one works = How successful one is.

We have to stop.
We are not in control.
The shame I have felt is because I feel like I have done something wrong -
let myself and my family down when I can't control whatever "it" is, and the storm does hit.

Now let me say, I have worked hard my entire life,
those who really know me, know this, no martyr just a hard worker.
I do believe it is important...

Yet that is not just it.
I have to surrender.
I am not in control.
It is not about me.

And we all need to stop looking around and thinking when someone has a misfortune,
or illness, that it cannot happen to us because XYZ.

We are all one step away from anything.
We are no better, no worse.
No layers of protection, no free pass for being the best.

Perhaps you know this better than I do,
I am still learning.

Here are some ways I remember...
Inspiration Words Board

It was good to chat.
Let's do it again soon.
Maybe not at 4am.

{michelle}


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